i hope you like footnotes

Cut off at every pass... by the President.

2009-05-05T14:37:00.008-04:00

Every single tube in the entire internet seems engorged over Obama's stop at Ray's Hell Burger in Arlington a few hours ago. Typical Obama-Adventure fare, definitely a fun little tidbit. But I'm here to give you the real story.

So I'm coming out of a final exam on zero sleep (due to said final exam) and my friends and I decide to get some food. Micah drives, and Steve and I are with him. We have to go pick up John at work. We can't get in front of his building, though, because of a police blockade that formed as we were pulling up to the intersection of 15th and H. John gets fed up and just walks to the car. We get through half of my Jimi Hendrix songs, and finally a motorcade starts going by.

It’s standard stuff after being at GW for a few years, and we assume it's Obama. We make a few impeachment jokes and declare his presidency a failure solely for holding us up from lunch. Finally, the motorcade, which was definitely Presidential in length, speeds north. Finally, we fight through traffic and head towards, you guessed it, Arlington. We had Ray's on the brain. I mean, we've been going to this place for months; Micah found it online. Get with the times, Obama.

We keep listening to music, cursing Obama jokingly out the open windows. John has to get back to work in a reasonable amount of time. I'm just exhausted. We're all starving.

And so, as I realize I've written everything so far in present tense (making this sentence problematic to say the least), we come around the bend into sight of the strip mall that Ray's is in. Or it would have been in sight if not for the huge crowd of people on the opposite corner, looking at it.

Finally it's in full view, and it's surrounded by SUV's and crime tape and secret service directing traffic. We all start yelling loudly. The general sentiment is “You gotta be kidding me” with a twinge of “Twice? Really?” The crowd laughs at us.

The parking lot is roped off, so we go in search of somewhere to stash the car. Finally we find a place behind the mall, and sneak around the side to see if we can still get in. Unfortunately, Obama (and Biden, apparently) had already left.

We duck around all the afterbirth of news teams and stunned customers engaging in that mutual-masturbatory act of the post-celebrity appearance interview. There is nothing to see at this point, and nothing to say except "He sat in this very chair" and "We were just sitting here eating and suddenly..."

No one asks for our story. We have the best one of all, but since we’re in line, it’s clear that we technically missed the appearance and therefore have nothing to say. This is what this post is for. We will be heard. Present tense became cumbersome paragraphs ago.

Right after I place my order, the guy at the register shows me the order slip he had written up for them. It’s pretty neat. Anyway we eat our burgers, as we always do, and BOY ARE THEY TERRIBLE! AND SO OVERPRICED! I MEAN, IN THIS ECONOMY? NO ONE SHOULD EVER GO TO THIS PLACE EVER! OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD THERE'S GONNA BE A LINE OUT THE DOOR UNTIL HE'S OUT OF OFFICE! WE’LL NEVER BE ABLE TO GO AGAIN!

We have to duck out early, because like Obama, John has to get back to work. We drop John off and double back, west on Eye St. for a few blocks. Then traffic stops.

I squint ahead. Police cars blocking the road, two blocks west. Steve, Micah, and I flip out. Three times? Really, Obama? And what the hell kinda route is that? Did you stop at the Zoo, before AND after lunch? I mean, in this economy? With these gas prices? With the planet in the shape it's in? And most importantly, when I haven't slept since the weekend?

Micah puts it into park and reclines. We all close our eyes for a few minutes, until the honking from surrounding cars finally starts. Our long national nightmare is over. I get dropped off and sit down to write this story, starting it in the present tense and not realizing how long it’s going to end up being. I continue writing until there is nothing more to say. And now I will hit submit and take a nap.

Exercise in Contradiction

2009-04-27T01:56:00.010-04:00

I was walking back from the movies with my friends tonight,and while passing the Watergate, a girl ran by us in gym shorts and an iPod (among other things). When she was out of earshot we made some derisive remarks about her weight. It passed the time, I guess. No amazing, earth-shattering jokes were made (leave the earth-shattering to her, right? Hey-o!) It got me thinking though.

Don't you hate seeing fat people run? It was an obvious joke to make, after catching someone running who didn't look like a runner. I guess we don't like it because it's unappealing to the eye. We'd prefer to only see beautiful, sweaty people in the best shape of their lives. We'd rather feel like we just accidentally walked through a low-carb beer commercial. But it's a fallacy. We should applaud fat runners and encourage such efforts. Exercise is a key component of weight loss and body tone, which are both key components of hotness. So in reality, it's not gross. It's a beautification project and it's happening right before our eyes. We should love that.

It's sort of like how most straight guys dislike seeing two men hook up. We should love that, and we should absolutely loathe lesbian sex of any kind. But the opposite is true, and it's anti-Darwinian. We applaud the version that takes two potential mates out of the equation and off the market. That's a net loss of 2 for the straight man. But we favor that over the scenario where two potential sexual rivals cancel each other out, increasing our own chances by 2, sort of like when Darth Vader crashed into the other TIE fighter in the Death Star trench. That collision allowed Luke to “blow this thing and go home.”

OK, bad example.

< / b u s h >

2009-01-17T04:37:00.006-05:00

I tried to explain the contents of this post's title to a few people verbally and no one found it funny, so I guess it needs to be typed out.

As backstory: I had to learn a tiny bit of html code for this blog because of my footnote use. Footnotes aren't the cakewalk they usually are on Word. I have to personally type in a superscript command. It looks something like this, but if I type it exactly it'll just start doing superscript and not show up, so it's a little different. To get ¹, I have to type < sup > 1 < /sup>. More or less. The first bit means "Start superscript" and the second, the one with the forward slash, means "End superscript". Again, more or less. I don't pretend to be an expert.

So, I present it to you again:

< / b u s h >

One of the sweetest letter/symbol combinations on the qwerty keyboard.

¹ - Not an actual footnote, just an example. Sorry for the false alarm. You can put your pants back on now.

Thoughts on Dewing the Dew (I hope you also like parentheses)

2009-01-02T17:11:00.005-05:00

My dad called me from the grocery store this afternoon to see if I wanted anything. I had him get me some DMD (Diet Mountain Dew) because I like the flavor and the caffeine and the not 48 grams of sugar. Did you know that Diet Mountain Dew's second most prevalent ingredient behind carbonated water is concentrated orange juice? Delicious.

Anyway the shocking thing I found was this (not my picture):

They changed the logo! As if it wasn't modern enough! Abbreviations, in general, are OK (or Old Kinderhook) when used in common speech, although usually only when dripping with sarcasm (obvi). But putting it on a legitimate product is a little farther than I'm willing to go. Beyond the annoyance factor, there's the matter of clarity. Am I being sold Mountain Dew? Or is it Mutton Dew? Or Mitten Dew? Montanan Dew? Masturbation Dew? This is really no time to mince words; let's be exact.

Luckily, the most important aspect of the Mountain Dew logo remains. I am of course talking about the attempt by the Chinese Government to spur a Communist revolution within US borders using the very mechanisms of Capitalism itself. The irony of this plan seems to have far outstripped its effectiveness, but I should probably get on with it:

There it is, as stark and clear as the might of the Great People's Republic itself: when you flip the logo upside down, the name MAO stands out in the brightest and most obvious of REDS. I discovered this (again, ironically) while sitting in my Honors History of East Asia class in my senior year of high school. I was playing around with my empty bottle of the Dew when I nearly sprung from my desk in shock. Immediately, I raised my hand. Totally disrupting the lecture, I alerted the teacher to my discovery. I think people in my high school thought I was weird.

Adventures in Ordering Out

2008-12-07T03:23:00.002-05:00

Any respectably unhealthy eater in DC knows the ins and outs of the delivery industry. From DC Snacks to Pizza Movers & Calzones, there are plenty of stories to go around. Maybe I'll keep a running tally of them.

Anyway one of my favorite options in any web-based ordering system is the option to leave "Additional Notes" for your order. Campusfood seems to do this for all of their clients. I like to have fun with my notes: sometimes I'll type something like "Keep up the good work" or "Throw some extra toppings my way if you feel like not charging me for it." It's worth a shot, right?

And Wingo's is one of my favorite delivery options. Their wings are great, but it's the fries that really push it over the top for me. Plus the prices. So this story in no way intends to disparage them.

I usually get regular, medium wings with ranch dipping. Classic. But it was suggested to me that I try the boneless wings (no extra charge). I was wary, to be sure. I've never seen a boneless chicken so something's not quite right in that equation, plus I do just fine with the regular ones and have never tried Wingo's boneless.

So, in a moment of trepidation, I entered the following (direct quote) into the Additional Notes area:
"if boneless wings are honestly not any good just give me regular"
and I sent my order on its way.

When my food finally arrived, I was still nervous about experiencing the bonelessness. I carefully opened the styrofoam, and lo and behold:

My wings, they had bones in them.

This gave me a good laugh. Whoever was processing the orders must have done some soul searching upon reading my note and admitted to his or herself that their boneless wings just weren't up to snuff.

Links of teh day

2008-12-02T00:49:00.006-05:00

Did you know that there is a generation of Americans growing up right now who are being raised in an art-free vacuum? There are children in this country who, through no fault of their own, think the Star Wars prequels are acceptable. Also, they like overwrought, simplistic pseudo-rock that speaks to everyone and therefore no one. How are they to know better?

All of this is a shame, but I'm afraid there is nothing to be done about the phenomenon other than to make fun of it so it doesn't drive us mad. The following videos that I recently stumbled across represent a perfect storm of cultural bankruptcy. An absolute goldmine. If you don't laugh your ass off, these videos will probably make you really mad at me for wasting your time/angrying up your blood. So try to find them funny.

Anyway, it turns out that there are actually people in this world who found the relationship between Padme and Anakin in the prequels to be at all compelling, at all decently written or acted, or at all appropriate¹. And, as luck would have it, some of these same people also like really awful music, and like the love story enough to go out of their way to combine the two².

So I submit to you the following three videos. SEE HOW QUICK YOU CAN GUESS WHICH SONG'S WHICH! And on the first one, at least keep watching until the first chorus for some classic tunes and domestic abuse. Also feel free to play them all at the same time, just make sure to put a tarp down beforehand because your head will surely explode.

¹ - "Is Anakin Skywalker gonna have to force-choke a pregnant bitch on a volcano planet?" HOW IS CHOKING PREGNANT WOMEN ACCEPTABLE IN A STAR WARS FILM? SUBTLETY, LUCAS! Subtlety.
² - And these people aren't being ironic, either. I'm serious. And all the comments on these videos are like "omg anakin and padme 4ever"

Dude, remember blogging?

2008-11-30T00:54:00.002-05:00

JOE PHONES IT IN

I'm home for Thanksgiving, with my huge and entertaining family, and there's plenty I could write about and all, but there isn't time for that now.

My mindset for this weekend has been heavily influenced by the Loom Factor. Looming over my head are over 40 pages of academic writing due in the next week, nearly half due on Monday. At present, the Loom Factor colors my reality.

SO, in lieu of making any sort of effort on this blog right now, here's a list I compiled the day Dick Cheney shot that one guy. The night of the event, I looked through the "Related Articles" for the story and picked my favorites. Don't ask me how I stumbled across this file; we all visit our C Drive's Memory Lane from time to time.

The Daily Show had it right that night when the punchline to every joke was a simple, literal description of the exact events as they had happened, because there was really no joke to tell that could have topped reality. Keep in mind these are all real headlines from real sources.

My Top 10 Headlines Involving Quail, Buckshot, and Vice Presidents from February 11th, 2006

1. Cheney to friend: Sorry I shot you
2. Cheney hunts quail and everyone else ducks
3. Open Season on Republicans: Cheney Shoots Colleague
4. How Did Dick Cheney Break the No.1 Rule of Hunting?
5. Dick Cheney Shoots Fellow Hunter?!?
6. Cheney Accidentally Bags Lawyer Out Of Season
7. Guns don't shoot people. Vice Presidents shoot people.
8. Cheney 'Scary,' Gun Control Activists Say
9. Attorney shot by Cheney had tough month
10. Cheney's got a gun

Links of teh day

2008-11-19T18:48:00.003-05:00

Boosh Edition

I was talking to a friend today and I said "boosh" and she said "Yeah, I still don't know what that means exactly, but ok."

So for her sake and anyone else's I thought I'd post this video from the Adult Swim show Frisky Dingo. This show has shaped my sense of humor more than any other single influence in the past year, and it originated the term "BOOSH," which is a pretty boosh term. It's versatile, it's fun to say, and it's an inside joke. So get in on the fun.

Don't try to figure out what's going on plot-wise or who the hell any of these characters are because the plot is so ridiculous that it's should stand on its own anyway.

"Imagine that, Stan... Karate Jesus."

Links of teh day

2008-11-18T18:11:00.004-05:00

For something to be considered remotely clever these days, it has to be at least post-postmodern. In fact, the more post-'s the better, until you're not even sure how far down the reference hole goes¹. With this in mind I'd like to be the blog that introduces you to a band that fits into this tradition.

It's called The Decoy Band.

Their goal is, as the name implies, to distract you from real music. Click around the site, and notice how they succeed.

If you're not convinced enough to click the link, here's a sample:

¹ - A postmodern sentence in itself

Troy Polamalu

2008-11-16T21:45:00.006-05:00

This is not a sports blog.

I shouldn't assume anyone reading this shares my exact interests. Hell, I shouldn't assume anyone's reading this. But I feel the pure and powerful beauty in motion that is Steelers safety Troy Polamalu transcends sports. His reaction time, strength, and agility can be appreciated by anyone who has ever moved. Because I can guarantee that he can move better.

And I have some examples as proof. These two videos (assuming they don't get deleted by the NFL) are of two of the most impressive interceptions in NFL history, both of which were so improbable that the announcers were sure at the time that he hadn't done what slow motion would later prove he had actually done. The first one happened last month, and the second one happened like 5 hours ago.

And these are just his interceptions. I don't have the patience, nor does Youtube have the resources, to show you his tackling, coverage skill, strength, anticipation, or the way he can start a play anywhere on the field and yet always end up making an impact. I've seen him make a tackle with his back turned to the guy he's tackling, which doesn't even make sense even when you see it. I've seen him make a tackle with one arm while in mid-air while fighting off two blockers. And after he makes an interception, watching him start bucking around with his Samoan mane flowing around behind him, I know I'm in for an exciting time. He's also really soft-spoken and spiritual. I'll stop; I'm prattling on like a schoolgirl.

Links of teh day

2008-11-10T09:24:00.002-05:00

I have a 5 pager due at 12:45 as well as a detailed outline, but these are the precise moments where ANYTHING else feels more important. As I write this, the current temperature is 47 but it feels like it's 41¹. So as we descend into the shallow but annoying depths of DC winter, I can think of no better way to warm up than to listen to some Sigur Ros. For a while now, they've been warming themselves and fellow Icelanders from the soul out. I find this to be the most effective way of warming oneself².

I was inspired to spread the Ros because a new video came out today from their new album, which came out on my 20th birthday, and which rocks. Needless to say, it's a beautiful song.

This might be the most memorable music video you will ever see. If you don't have 6 minutes, then don't bother. No skipping ahead. Every last second of this is vital to the whole and beautiful in its own right, and of course the whole is far greater than the sum of its parts. My brother saw them live once and said that half the audience was weeping for most of the show. Seeing this video was the closest I'll come to understanding that vibe until I see them myself.

There's more, including a huge documentary, and also basically a visual description of how I hope to have the courage to act when I grow old. There's plenty more Sigur Ros stuff around, so get out there and become a fan if you're not and rediscover them if you already are. It'll warm your bones.

¹ - As Lewis Black would say, "Then it's 41, ASSHOLE!"
² - The Amish say wearing a hat is the most effective. I say FUCK the Amish. Shun THIS, you buttonless bastards.

Don't Cry

2008-11-05T19:34:00.004-05:00

I dare you.

-Tom Toles of The Washington Post

Links of teh day

2008-11-03T18:41:00.004-05:00

I think there's just this one link today. I haven't been blog-inspired for a few days. Eb and I are polar blogging opposites in that it seems when my brain turns to things that truly matter to me, I DON'T blog. Because I don't think anything serious really belongs on this particular page.

The previous paragraph is really a long-winded cover story for the fact that I purchased Fallout 3 this weekend. If you don't already understand, I can't begin to explain. In fact, the only reason this post is even happening is my xbox controller ran out of batteries and the other pack is across the room. This is literally the case.

A quick note on Fallout 3: I couldn't figure out how to sell items in the game, so I went to google and started typing "selling items in fallout 3" but I only got so far before this happened and I lol'd:

MOVING ON:
The Steelers play the Redskins on Monday Night Football tonight. I only got yelled at by one person today for my Bettis jersey, which is sort of disappointing. I did share a few raised fists of solidarity with fellow Pittsburghers on campus though. It should be a really good game; I've always felt the Steelers and Redskins were kindred spirits separated by NFL conferences. Another reason you should watch is that both candidates are showing up during halftime, because it's their last chance to talk to a lot of Americans right before the election. Monday Night Football is the most popular cable series of all time, so it doesn't seem like a bad idea.

BUT DID YOU KNOW that in 16 of the past 17 Redskins home games before the presidential election, if the Skins won, the incumbent President's political party held control of the office? THEREFORE, rooting for the Steelers means rooting for Obama tonight. Because correlation ALWAYS IMPLIES CAUSATION.

Which brings us to the link. Finally, right? In relation to the Steelers, I first saw this commercial (don't forget to click "watch in high quality") towards the beginning of football season. I almost cried. The end is really good, and I still watch it all the way through whenever I see it on TV. Troy Polamalu ftw.

Links of teh day

2008-10-31T13:30:00.002-04:00

ELECTION EDITION!
Notice: Links of teh day is no longer daily. I doubt there are any objections to this.

There is, as an Asian immigrant would say, a huge erection coming up next week. With that in mind I have a few links that may or may not be of interest:

I have never played nor do I ever plan on playing World of Warcraft, but still I found this video hilarious, insightful, and more valid than most of the daily grind of election coverage you get on the cable news. The video may be a joke, but the internet community is becoming an important constituency on the political map. I wouldn't be surprised to see people campaigning in WOW next election.

This is why my dad is voting absentee, even though he lives 3 minutes from our polling place.

Obama doesn't take some of the stances I do, but no one with a serious chance of winning the Presidency could have my views. Ask Kucinich. Even though I can't get everything I want out of him, this is the video I was watching a few weeks ago when I realized I might cry if he wins.

Probably the most real moment of the campaign, and it came from Fox News. If you watch nothing else, wait for it to load and start at 5:00. The McCain campaign seems to be completely running wild, and some of it trends very racist, xenophopic, and ignorant. Whether this is a McCain strategy or not, they MUST UNDERSTAND THE REPERCUSSIONS. The hate and anger building up against Obama becomes very dangerous if he's elected. There are enough people who'll want to assassinate him just because he's black. John Lewis hit the nail right on the head.

An Etymological History of Tehran

2008-10-29T23:39:00.008-04:00

DATELINE - IRAN

Recent archeological evidence reveals that Iran's capital city may actually have been named for different reasons than previously theorized.

After being excavated from just 2 meters below the floor of a downtown Tehran basement, a shockingly well-preserved roll of parchment from ancient times relayed a tale more fantastic than the language in which it was penned.

Yes, the whole scroll was written in English, as clear as day. But what shocked and confused archeologists on the scene EVEN MORE was the story these words told.

According to the parchment, which has been carbon-dated as at least a millennium old, a great hero of The Future from the nation of The Internet named simply "Ron" once happened upon Tehran when it was a mere village.

As the story goes, told in the first person by the man himself, Ron was in his normal-seeming apartment in Brooklyn, experimenting with time travel, when all of a sudden, something flashed.

When Ron awoke, he was laying on strange dirt with strange faces surrounding him. To keep with the theme, their language was similarly strange. Ron knew it was a shot in the dark, but he remembered downloading Rosetta Stone on his iPhone the previous week, so he whipped it out.

Their language seemed to be an altered form of Arabic, and gradually Ron was able to communicate some essential information.

He learned that he was not in Brooklyn, and the year was not 2008.

He was in a place they called Nadsuk, in a year they called 1002. Ron was shocked by this information, but made sure to take time to giggle at the city's name.

Ron never thought his technique would work. But indeed, setting your Windows desktop to any date, then pressing Ctrl-Alt-TIMETRAVEL will take you to your chronological destination. Apparently though, latitude and longitude were a crapshoot.

Ron, seen by locals as a curious oddity, was taken for an audience with the Supreme Nadsuker. He quickly engratiated himself with the Leader with predictions and prophecies. Ron was a poor student of history, so many of prophecies came up false, but all who heard them would be dead at that point. Nevertheless, Ron rose the ranks quickly as an Advisor.

He taught the people of Nadsuk many revolutionary techniques in rainwater collection, surviving lightening strikes, safely viewing solar eclipses, and other random things he remembered reading about on WikiHow.

He quickly became known as somewhat of a spiritual leader, performing what many regarded as miracles. While he worked hard to convince the masses that he was no god, the reverence went to his head.

He began commanding Nadsukers to refer to him as "Teh Ron", and the common people agreed to what they, admittedly, could not understand. Indeed, without Google, our modern archeologists initially found this title incomprehensible as well.

Even so, he made sure to avoid political power. He knew he could never win in a battle to become the head of the Nadsukers, and the bloodshed that would result would erase all the good he had done.

He wrote this entire parchment on his deathbed, with the reflective and wise tone of an elder. He claimed he led a full life in Nadsuk, never seeking to return to our times. After all, iPhones don't have the traditional Ctrl or Alt keys, and they certainly don't have the TIMETRAVEL key.

Links of teh day

2008-10-28T20:24:00.006-04:00

JOE'S WIKIPEDIA VANDALISM EDITION!

The following are some instances of me fucking with Wikipedia users' perceptions of reality by making alterations to Wikipedia pages that are believable but incorrect. I must warn you that all of these jokes involve genitalia, but what good joke doesn't? REGARDLESS:

Freshman year¹, my friend Sammy Lopez (who returns next semester) and I were hitting Random Article and came across the page for a certain bald British male porn star named Dick Nasty. Here is a link to the edit I made to the article. His filmography is a laugh a minute, but the sad part is ALL OF THOSE TITLES ARE REAL except Inyourassic Park, which was my only fabrication².

In February of sophomore year, I was hitting Random Article by my lonesome³ and came across this fantastic article title, which caught my eye immediately. See if you can spot my helpful addition. Unfortunately, some Accuracy Nazi got wise to my scheme NOT TWO DAYS AGO.

For both of these examples, I regret that you can't see my words running free in their natural habitat. It's painful to see them relegated to the History section of their respective articles. The Truth Police are watching our every move.

Here, I'll distract them!
Hey TRUTH POLICE! Get a load of THIS:
The sentence you are currently reading is false.
That should hold them off for a while. While they're busy, I encourage everyone to make hard-to-spot false edits to Wikipedia pages. It's a good time.

¹ - At 1:35 AM on the morning of March 30th, 2007, apparently.
² - A fabrication that went unchecked on Tricky Dick's page for months
³ - It was February of sophomore year, after all

Links of teh day

2008-10-27T20:14:00.003-04:00

Just one link this evening.

It's a new song by my brother's friends' band, Jukebox the Ghost. I think this is its youtube premiere, though I think I heard it at Fort Reno this summer. I either forget or don't know what it's called. I could find out pretty easily. Maybe I will. Look out for that. Anyway this technically isn't even a link, so the post's title is quite false. I wanted to try embedding video. I apologize for my lack of dynamic sentence structure. I used it all up on a 4-pager this morning.

Of all the things that are For The Win, wireless internet in the classrooms is king

2008-10-27T12:48:00.003-04:00

Random thoughts from my Civil Rights and Black Power class¹.

1:02 PM - Someone just abbreviated the Mississippi Freedom Democratic Party as "MFDP" which sounds a lot more profane than what it actually stands for

1:08 PM - I'm trying to be Joe the Plumber for Halloween. When I just googled "cheap blue overalls" the first option was for the purchase of such overalls over WORLD OF WARCRAFT. I can't believe it.

1:22 - I'm finding that when I have the internet in class I do things with it that I would never deem worth my time in any other setting². I just read a Bill Simmons column about fantasy basketball. I hate pro basketball and didn't even understand what he was talking about most of the time but I powered through.

1:30 - We're playing one of those powerpoint-based Jeopardy games to learn about Fannie Lou Hamer and my team is pwning and all, but I'm really bothered that the questions aren't presented in proper Jeopardy format. I want to say "What is S.N.C.C.?" but I'm being denied my rights³.

1:36 - "I'd like you to post them around campus in high traffic areas like Marving and University Center." That's an excerpt from my instructions for posting a flyer that I made for work. I can interpret "Marving" as "The Marvin Center" but what the FUCK is University Center? Is it the geographic center of campus, as determined by sextant? Is it its center of gravity? University Yard, maybe? Wtf?

1:53 - Nothing else worth noting has happened in this class. I would like to note much I love Mondays this year. It's quite anti-Garfieldian. I get to wake up late⁴, go to two history lectures, which are my favorite genre of class, and then I go bowling. For FREE. By this token Wednesdays are equally loved.

¹ - Let me stress that NO ONE IS MAKING YOU READ THIS.
² - Such as doing a real-time blog of a boring class
³ - Ironic given the class subject roflz
⁴ - When a paper isn't due that day

Getting Away plus Links of teh day

2008-10-26T20:56:00.004-04:00

My title rhymed.
I went north for the weekend to visit my sister's Juniata College, where she's a freshman. It's near Penn State, amidst the mountains. I mention all of this because I got to see Fall for the first time since I got to GW, and it was really awesome.

Usually by the time I leave the city for Thanksgiving, the trees are bare. Plus, the trees around here don't really deserve to change color anymore; they've been given plenty of opportunities to color themselves creatively and all they've come up with is orange. I've heard New England leaves are good, but give me the hills of Pennsylvania any Fall.

I realize this isn't a great representation of what I'm talking about, since the foreground is dead corn and all the trees are impossible to see. It was the best I could do from the passenger's seat of a speeding car with a cell phone camera. On top of that I went a week or so early of the sweet spot for color.

The point is, if you're reading this in a city, GET OUT OF IT at some point before Winter starts. Get a load of those trees. If you're in DC, you still have a few weeks. You only have a few Falls left before you die¹, so witness every one.

¹ - Unless DEATH ITSELF IS CONQUERED before you pass, in which case you will grow so tired of Fall that you will attempt to gouge your own eyes out. Mark my words.

On to teh links

This song (the live version anyway) holds the record for the most uses of the word "fuck" in a song. The band is one of my all-time favorites, the Super Furry Animals, and the chorus is a repeated sample from another one of my all-time favorites, Steely Dan. The word in question is muted out in this version but you'll get the point and it rocks anyway.

Just so you'll know where to turn when you're facing hard times.

"Control" and "Order" seem to have such similar definitions in some contexts. Not this one.

Links of teh day

2008-10-25T23:29:00.002-04:00

Even with stuff I do for fun I have problems with deadlines. It is still technically today.
This one's music-only.

This song will kick your ass

This drum part starting around 2:30 will kick your ass

This fake ad was made tongue-in-cheek. I've found that any sort of irony more subtle than Family Guy is hard to convey to the Youtube generation. Racial commentary is not inherently racist. Check out the comment section on there, seriously.

Links of teh day

2008-10-24T21:40:00.000-04:00

I'll probably do this every day.

I had a feeling this sort of thing was going on at GW

This one's courtesy of the illustrious Eb Richardson:
I'm gonna kick some ass with my own pipe wrench

Maybe the most incredible and awesome story ever told on a Wikipedia page

Epic First Post

2008-10-24T16:23:00.000-04:00

Yo, so I just wanted to get this out there, riding the series of tubes, without actually having to think up anything to post. So what follows is something I wrote during freshman year. And yes, it's about poop:

"...The strangest experience of all my strange sleeping experiences happened to me while in the process of waking up one Saturday morning. I had been dreaming about something or other that I can’t remember, but at the critical point in question in my dream, I was pooping on a toilet.

I realize this is strange enough; I myself can’t recall another time I’ve dreamed about pooping. Anyway, I assume this was one of those dreams that consists of everyday, boring activities, and I just happened to have to go number 2 at the time. So in my dream, I was pooping on a toilet, and I happened to be in the middle of (dreaming about) letting go of a thick, healthy log¹. So as this thick shit was halfway out of my asshole, I woke up.

Let me note here exactly how strange this felt: really fucking strange. As soon as I gained consciousness, I instinctively clambered for the seat of my boxers. Luckily, the sensation of shitting that I felt as I awoke was simply a product of my dreaming mind, and my bed was clean.

The sensation of having a thick log of feces exit the body is extremely specific, vivid, and unmistakable, and when one feels it, one can safely assume what is happening. I may be the only human to ever feel this specific sensation while being awake and not pooping². Either way, what a way to wake up."

¹ - Don't look at me like that; you know what I'm talking about
² - Of course discounting the possible sensations experienced during anal penetration, which I have yet to experience, and I consider it awkward to ask someone who has how it compares to pooping